Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
