bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
