no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
