just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
