like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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