My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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