just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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