God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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