does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
