69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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