She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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