We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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