please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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