You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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