i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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