Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
