I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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