Im at strip club and am horny
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
