strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
