you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
