dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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