Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
