Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
