After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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