We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize