Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
