so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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