you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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