So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
