Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
