dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The uberlube is also flammable
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
