Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
