im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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