I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
