I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
