his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
