I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
