It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just crazy horny about you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
