You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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