lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
