My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
