After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
try to milk me bitch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize