guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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