Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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