Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
