how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
