I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
