I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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