You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize