I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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