just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize