So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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