yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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