i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
