apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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