how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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