i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
