after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
