there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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