What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
