I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
