He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
