So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
