this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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