I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
