i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
