she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
