So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
