before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
